We would like to thank everyone who participated in the fund raiser in conjunction with the Senior Center of Castle Rock.  Once again, the thoughtfulness and generosity of the Castle Rock community was more that we could ever expect.  We received enough money from the fund raiser to compensate for my moving to disability and the expenses of fighting cancer.  Thank you so much.  We are truly blessed to be surrounded by such good friends.

My chemo is going well.  I am sick quite a bit, but it is tolerable.  Today my hair started falling out again.  It is not as traumatic as last time, I guess you just get used to it.  I have 5 more weeks of treatment before we find out if it is working this time.  The wait is difficult, but I feel that a great weight has been lifted with the completion of Katee’s chemo.  Her successful treatment has given me hope that I will also get a positive result from my treatment. 

Again, I want to thank all of you that keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  We deeply appreciate all that each one of you have done for our family.  To those that have given to us financially, please know that we are so grateful and use the money only toward the cost of fighting cancer.  We wish we could repay you all, but all we can do is offer our prayers and blessings upon you all.  Thank You!

The cocktail we will be trying is a cocktail containing Ifex, Gemzar, Taxotere and Vevaprimil.  I will be taking this cocktail through an IV for 5 days in a row the first week, then once a week for week 2 and 3.  During week 2 and 3 I will be getting many different drugs on days that I don’t have chemo, to try to reduce the side-effects of the chemo cocktail.   They will try to keep my blood marrow working, red blood cell count up and to protect my other organs that are at risk from this chemo cocktail, specifically my Liver, Bladder and Kidneys.

 Due to this schedule, I will not be able to return to work for at least the 8 weeks of this chemotherapy.  The Doctor has suggested that with my low oxygen levels and chronic pain I already have from the two previous surgeries, I would not be able to work with the additional effects this chemo will have.  Specifically, they expect I will have weakness, increased pain, nausea, diarrhea, bleeding and mouth sores.  There is many other expected side-effects, but the largest one is a risk of coma.  I will really miss not working with my team, but I agree that I don’t think I have the strength to work and do this chemo again, especially as I am still healing from the last lung surgery.

I started one of the drugs, (Vevaprimil) this week, and will start the rest of the cocktail on January 21st.  What a bummer, I just last week went and got a haircut, and now it will all fall out again!  Anyway, that is the latest with our family.  We as a family, are all in agreement to try out this chemo cocktail, so that makes things easier.  Katee is doing great and only has 2 treatments left.  She is so excited to have her treatment end.

Thank you to all that have stepped up and helped us out.  There are too many to recognize you all individually, but you know who you are.  Thank you so very much! 

The results of the testing they did on the live sample of cancer was interesting.  They did not find any evidence of my primary diagnosis of Leiomyosarcoma (LMS), but rather they found two other cancers that are closely related to LMS.  The difference is that while LMS attacks smooth muscle, these other two cancers attack connective tissue and cartilage.  They have determined that the LMS has mutated on it’s own into these two new forms.  The testing they were doing is to find a chemotherapy drug that would be effective in shrinking or killing the cancer cells.  The results of this test show only one drug that might be effective, but it only shows a 20% chance of working.  The side-effects of this chemo drug are pretty severe, with a risk of coma involved.  We are meeting with my oncologist next week to discuss the options, level of chemo drugs, side-effects and whether or not it is worth doing.  If we don’t do anything, they only expect me to live to May.  However, they have been wrong on my life expectancy before, so we are not getting too worked up over this.  It will be a family decision on whether we choose to try the chemo drugs again, or stop treatment all together. 

I have not yet been able to return to work, primarily due to pain levels from the surgery and a lack of oxygen due to the collapsed portion of my right lung.  The meeting next week with my oncologist will help us determine when I can return to work.  At this time, the majority of my Doctors suggest that I not return to work, and enjoy the time we have left.  Again, this will be a family decision we can make once they tell me I am physically able to return to work.  I really enjoy my work with the Town of Castle Rock, and miss the team.  It would be very difficult to not return to work.  I hope it does not come to that.

As you can see, we have many difficult decisions to make in the next week or so.  Please pray that we get solid and correct advice from the medical staff, and enough information to make educated decisions.  On a positive note, Katee only has three more chemo treatments.  She is very tired of going to these treatments and would like to quit early.  However, she will gut it out and continue to the end of the treatments as scheduled.  Her hair is staying in pretty well, but it is taking her longer to recover from each chemo treatment.  She is very tired and ready to return to her normal life.  She will start looking for a job in March, to help her save up some money for college this fall.  She is very excited to get back to college, as she misses her friends and the social aspect she has had to give up with her chemo treatments.  She is doing very well as far as winning the war on her colon cancer, and is still cancer free.  This is certainly something we celebrate!

 We want to say “Thank you” to all who have supported us through these tough times.  We appreciate all of you!

I have recovered from my pneumonia, and had blood-work yesterday to ensure this was true.  If the results come back and show that I really have fully recovered, then I will have a PET scan next week.  This one will help determine how much time the doctors believe I have left.  They have been wrong so many times, I will not put much faith in the results of the PET scan.

 Darrin

I read your article regarding what it is like to have cancer from your perspective.  It touched my heart.  I wanted to tell you what it is like from my perspective.  As your Mother, my heart feels like it is broken and will never heal.  You are my firstborn and are irreplaceable.  There is not a day, hour or minute that goes by that I don’t think about you and Katee and it causes tremendous sadness in my soul.  At night I wake up thinking about you and praying for you.  Wondering where is God, why doesn’t He heal you.  Often I can sense in my spirit when you or Katee are having a bad day or night and I just have to call to hear your voices.  I want to hear all the details, good or bad.  When you or Katee are sad or sick, I am sad as well.   To me, cancer is a totally consuming disease for all of those involved in one way or another.  When I think that it could be possible that I would lose you, son, I am sad, tearful and angry.  I enjoy so much your personality, your great sense of humor and your extraordinary intelligence.  I am really not ready to let God have you to Himself!  I have watched you suffer so much with this cancer and I have grieved with you over all you have lost.  I have tried to be there for you during your surgeries, your chemo and also times when you feel a little better and we can laugh and forget for just a few minutes about cancer.  As a Mother, I want to be able to “fix” it, but I can’t and it is so frustrating for me.  Last month when I came to sit with Katee during her chemo time, it generated such mixed feelings.  I was proud of her for her courage, sorrowful for her for her pain and all she has had to deal with during her diagnosis.  I could tell she brought joy and encouragement to the others on the chemo unit and yet she herself was hurting.  I am glad for her friends who are a source of encouragement to her and for her sister Ami, who devotes all the time and love she can to Katee.  I have watched your family suffer with you, cry with you and laugh with you.  You have been especially blessed with a wonderful wife, Kim who has in spite of everything, held it all together for us.  For her I am extremely grateful.  How has cancer changed me?  I am not sure.  It has consumed my life and my thoughts.  It has definitely caused me to pray more, to be less concerned with little petty things in my life and to value each of my family members more.  We hug more, we tell each other we love them more, because we know the value of each day!

I love you son,

Mom